Heart attack! (but there’s hope)

I’ve been thinking a lot about issues of the heart lately. Spiritual ones. I’ve had iterated to me multiple times that particular sin struggles ought to dealt with by examining one’s heart. And by dealing with it, I mean not dealing with it. I’ve learned that I need to start each day by admitting to God “Lord, without Your intervention, I will NOT pursue Your will. I need You to change my heart for me, because I simply cannot.”

Case in point, last night I went to a worship night at my church, Linworth Road Church. I really wasn’t terribly keen on the idea initially, with a myriad of reasons popping up in my head (We just worshipped this morning! Or how about that service last Sunday night? Redundant much?). I attended with the intention of fellowshipping with my friends from the Alive Ministry, and with the somewhat reluctant admittance that worship SHOULD be redundant…if that even exists. I found it to be refreshing (surprise, surprise) and challenging. Things sort of came to a head when the band played “You won’t relent” and I was meditating a ton on some trust issues that a typical recent single college graduate might be thinking about when it comes to him and God, and I was repeating that prayer I mentioned in my head earlier. I all of the sudden thought that maybe I should kneel just to show submission to the Lord. Almost immediately, my own mind retorted with “No, that’s not my style of worshipping. Besides, if you do something out of character you’ll draw attention to yourself.” I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe I should and as the song was wrapping up I thought “Aw heck, the song’s almost over” and kneel I did. Yep, I was self-conscious but in that moment demonstrating obedience to God was more important than that teeny bit of pride I harbored.

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